I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
