So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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