So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
