So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
