At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
