Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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