i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
