did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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