not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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