I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
