There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
