girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
