uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
