I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
