It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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