I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
