She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
