dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
