You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
