And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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