Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm experimenting with sincerity
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
