Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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