none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
