moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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