It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
