Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
