Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
