Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
