Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize