I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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