actually, I'm a sock model
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
