I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
