I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
