I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm always down for nudity.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
