he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
