OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
