R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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