If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
