I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I deserve this hangover.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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