I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
