HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
