did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
