i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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