He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
