I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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