Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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