You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I touched a dick in church today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
