do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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