Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Soap is not a condiment
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
