I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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