I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
