and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
