stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
