You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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