I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
