What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
