Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
