1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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