I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
