left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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