So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
