get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
