I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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