Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
