dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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