Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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