she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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