You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
