Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
