You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize