did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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